Joke #4373

One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
Vote:
has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.
Vote:
has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, food
A preacher goes into a bar and says "Anybody who wants to go to heaven, stand up." Everybody stands up except for a drunk in the corner. The preacher says "My son, don't you want to go to heaven when you die?" The drunk says "When I die? Sure. I thought you were taking a load up now."
Vote:
has 36.51 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, heaven
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."
Vote:
has 31.56 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, cop
Whiskey is a great drink – it makes you see double and feel single.
Vote:
has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man sat at a local bar and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating." "What a coincidence," said the woman next to him. I'm celebrating, too" she replied, clinking glasses with him. "What are your celebrating?" "I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile." "What a coincidence, the woman said. For my husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked. "I switched cocks," he replied. "What a coincidence," she said.
Vote:
has 71.74 % from 80 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, husband
There was a man who had at least four to five drinks of whisky every day of his adult life. When he died, they cremated him, and it took two days to put out the fire!
Vote:
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
Vote:
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Three men are sitting at a campfire telling stories about their great endeavors. The first man talked about how to sucked out the venom of a snake and sucked it up with 50 degree alcohol. The second man called it a circus trick as he has gotten 3 gunshots towards the chest and he but the guns in half. They looked at the third guy wanting to hear his story. Only to see him stroking his cock with the glowing hot coals.
Vote:
has 43.43 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dirty, life, men
A man walks into a bar has a few drinks and asks what his tab was. The bartender replies that it is twenty dollars plus tip. The guy says, "I'll bet you my tab double or nothing that I can bite my eye." The bartender accepts the bet, and the guy pulls out his glass eye and bites it. He has a few more drinks and asks for his bill again. The bartender reports that his bill now is thirty dollars plus tip. He bets the bartender he can bite his other eye. The bartender accepts knowing the man can't possibly have two glass eyes. The guy then proceeds by taking out his false teeth and biting his other eye.
Vote:
has 35.23 % from 10 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What did the bartender say after Charles Dickens ordered a martini? A: "Olive or twist?"
Vote:
has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bartender