Joke #2765

A French monk wrote a manifesto stating that every woman would agree to sell her body for money. The manifesto was read by the Queen of France and she invited the monk for a chat. So, you're stating that every women would agree to sell herself? Yes. Me too? Of course. And how much do you think I would cost? 500 francs. What?! Only 500 francs?! Here you go - you've already started to negotiate.

Yo' Mama is so skanky, her idea of safe sex is to lock the car doors.

A lady tells her husband, “My gynecologist said I can’t have sex for two weeks.” He replies, “What did your dentist say?”

Yo momma so nasty i had phone sex with her and she gave me an earinfection.

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says: "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says: "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says: "The bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says: "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"

There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you. So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said, "I had sex with a guy." The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water. So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was. She said, "I got in a fight with another nun." So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did. The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did. And as she was laughing she said, "I pissed in the holy water!"

Two old men hobble into the pub. One says, ‘I’ve heard Guinness puts lead in your pencil. Shall we try some?’ ‘All right,’ says the other. ‘But, to be honest, I’ve got nobody to write to.’

It’s the morning after the honeymoon. The wife says, ‘You know, you’re a really lousy lover.’ The husband replies, ‘How can you possible tell that after only 30 seconds.’

On wedding night, during sex: Husband: I had a sex with so many callgirls so many time before. Wife: Thats what I have been thinking since we met that I have seen you somewhere before...

My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills. I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!

One day, Little Johnny overheard his parents fighting. Later, he asked what "bitch" and "bastard" mean. They explained that they mean "lady" and "gentleman." The next day, he overheard his parents having sex. He later asked what "penis" and "vagina" mean. His parents explained that they refer to "hats" and "coats." At supper the next day, Little Johnny's mom cut her finger in the kitchen and yelled, "Oh f**k!" Little Johnny asked what that meant, and she said it means "cut." A week later, guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner. Little Johnny welcomes them at the door, saying, "Hello bitches and bastards! Hurry up with your penises and vaginas we can't wait to f**k the turkey!"