The teacher brings a statue of Venus into class and asks, “What do you like best about it, class?
Let’s start with you, Robert.”
Robert: “The artwork.”
Teacher: “Very good. And you, Peter?”
Peter: “Her tits!”
Teacher: “Peter, get out!
Go stand in the hall!
And you, Johnny?”
Johnny: “I’m leaving, teacher, I’m leaving…”
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Why don’t some teachers like to break wind in public?
Because they’re private tooters.
The teacher had given the class an assignment.
He stressed the importance of this particular assignment, and that no excuses would be accepted except illness or a death in the immediate family.
A smart-ass student pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion, sir?"
The class breaks up laughing, and when they settle down the teacher responds with: "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand."
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:
“Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing.
” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
“Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”
Why did the student eat his homework?
Because his teacher said, it was a peace of cake.
How many students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Is it worth any bonus marks?"
The child comes home from his first day at school.
Mother: “What did you learn today?”
Kid: “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
FATHER: What's that?
TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
An announcement came over the intercom for the college students:
"Will the students who are parked on the wrong side of the Parking area please move their cars."
Twenty minutes later there was another announcement:
"Will the three hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class."
Teacher: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Teacher: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?