Joke #3699

This guy was having a problem with mice in his apartment. "Dude," he told a friend, "I've tried everything and those damn mice keep coming back." "I had the same thing man," his friend says. "All you have to do is stuff steel wool in their little holes." "That's it?" the guy asked. "I'll do it tonight if it means getting rid of the damn rodents." About a week later the guy gets a call. "How's it going with the mice, buddy?" "Not so good, dude." "What's the problem?" his friend asks. "To be honest, I'm having a lot of trouble holding their little legs apart."

There was an employment advertisement in an office. So a guy went there. Managrer asked him: "Do you know what is the meaning of Ph.D.?" The guy answered: "Passed High school with Difficulties."

Why did the teacher write the lesson on the windows? He wanted to be very clear!

A mother picked her son up from school and began to ask him about his day. “How do you like your new teacher,” she asked. “I don’t. She told me to sit in the front of the class for the present. But then she didn’t end up by giving me one!”

Teacher: What makes you see? Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears. Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose? Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

You have committed the grave tactical blunder of acquiring enough university credits to graduate. So now you're leaving college and embarking on the greatest adventure - and the biggest challenge - of your young lives: moving back in with your parents.

One day, Bob came home from school very happy and that got his mother suspicious; "What’s the matter Bob? How come you’re that happy?" "You can’t even imagine-..! Today at school, I planted a bomb on the teacher’s chair and we all laughed sooo hard!" The mother upset: "Aren’t you ashamed of yourself? Don’t you know that you’re going to be suspended? How you think you’re gonna show up in the school again tomorrow?" And Bob, with a stupid smile on his face: "School? What school?"

A college Professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there is no God. Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin drop. Ten minutes went by. Again the Professor taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God! I'm still waiting!" His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine, just released from active duty and newly registered in the class, walked up to the Professor and punched him full-force in the face. The Professor tumbled from his lofty platform, and he was out cold before he hit the floor. At first the students were shocked, and they babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silently. The class fell silent... waiting. Eventually, the Professor came to. When he finally regained the power of speech, he glared at the young Marine in the front row. "What's the matter with you? Why on earth did you do that?" The Marine smiled. "God was busy. He sent me."

She is so blonde, she studied for a blood test.

Chuck Norris got a perfect SAT score by just putting his name on the paper...