Boy: “I’ve just had the most awful time. First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy.” Friend: “Wow! How did you pull through?” Boy: “I don’t know. Toughest spelling test I ever had!”
Nate: Why was school easier for cave people? Kate: Why? Nate: Because there was no history to study!
Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
Little Johnny wasn't a very good at speller. One day, during a spelling exam, the teacher wrote the word "new" on the blackboard. "Now," she asked Johnny, "what word would we have if we placed a "K" in the front?" After thinking a few seconds, Johnny said, "Canoe?"
Yo momma so fat that when she went to her prom she literally raised the roof.
Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little attention." Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.
There are three 6th grade girls: a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. Which one has the biggest tits? The blonde....she's 18.
School is like a boner, long and hard. Unless you're Asian...
Little Johnny was at school one day, when he noticed that there was a large crowd of kids gathered around Little Billy. Little Johnny walks up to Little Billy and says "Hey what's all the excitement about", Little Billy says "Just showing everyone my new watch". Little Johnny goes "Wow, that's a cool watch where did you get it?" Little Billy says "Well, I walked in on my mom and dad having sex over the weekend, and my dad was so mad he gave me spanking and sent me to my room". The next day, he feel guilty about what he had done and went and bought me this cool Watch. This gives Little Johnny a good idea. Later that night, when Little Johnny was sent to bed, he stayed up listening and waiting for his mom and dad to go to bed. Once he starts hearing noises coming from their room he runs down the hall, throws their bedroom door open, and yells "I want a watch!" His dad looks over to Johnny and says "Well okay, but sit in the corner and be quiet!"
Q: What do you get when you mix English class with alcohol? A: Tequila Mockingbird