Joke #2807

A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and asks, "bartender, got any specials today?" Bartender answers, "yes, as a matter of fact we have a new drink invented by a gynecologist patron of ours. It's a mix of Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and Smirnoff Vodka." The guy asks, "Good grief, what do you call that?" The bartender replied, "It's a "Pabst Smir."

A white horse goes into a bar, and orders a pint of bitter. "Blimey," the barman says, "we sell a whisky named after you." "What, Eric?" says the horse.

A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're speaking to it."

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.'

Patient: "Doctor, do you think that I shall live until I am ninety?" Doctor: "How old are you now?" Patient: "40" Doctor: "Do you drink, gamble, smoke or do you have any other vice?" Patient: "No. I don’t drink. I don’t gamble. I don’t smoke. I have no vice." Doctor: "Then why do you want to live for another fifty years?"

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Champions eat Wheaties for breakfast. Chuck Norris eats Champions for breakfast.

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

A bus conductor asks a drunk for his ticket. He goes through all his pockets but can’t find it. ‘It’s okay,’ says the conductor. ‘I’m sure you paid.’ ‘Never mind that,’ says the drunk. ‘If I can’t find it how am I supposed to know where I’m going?’

Whiskey is a great drink – it makes you see double and feel single.

A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"