The English teacher’s husband walked in and caught his wife sleeping with a young co-ed.
He said, “Why, Susan, I’m surprised.”
She bolted upright,
pointed her finger and corrected him, “No.
I am surprised.
You are astonished.”
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It doesn't matter if you win by an inch or a mile. Winning's winning.
(The Fast and The Furious)
It doesn't matter if you pass the semester by getting 40% or 95%.
Passing's passing.
Teacher: Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun.
Everyone must attend it.
Mary: No madam! I will not be able to attend it.
Teacher: Why?
Mary: My mother will not allow me to go so far!
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back."
Jonny: "That's what she said."
Miss: "Get out!"
Jonny "She said that too."
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Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant.
Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.
"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said.
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me."
"Excuse me?" the accountant said.
"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back."
"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?"
"I'll start you at eighty thousand."
"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?"
"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."
Teacher: Ramu, why do you always get so dirty?
Ramu: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library.
He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me, young man.
Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?”
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!”
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon.
Please allow me to rephrase my question.
Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?”
Teacher: "I wished you would pay a little
attention."
Pupil: "I'm paying as little as I can!"
Little Johnny came home after school:
"Daddy, I have a bad grade in English language."
"Why?" asked his father.
"Well, the teacher asked us the following question: "Mary entered the forest with John and came out of the forest with Mike. What is Mary?"
"How come what Mary is? A whore, of course," said the father.
"That's what I said, but the teacher answered Mary was a subject."
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In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not allowed whereas in college, you can't go out to lunch because you can't afford it.