Q: What's the first thing elves learn in school?
A: The "elf"-abet!
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Q: What kind of music do elves like best?
A: "Wrap" music!
Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, "Dad, tomorrow there's a special 'Adults' evening' at school.
Daddy is surprised, "Really? Special?"
"Yes," nods Johnny, "it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers."
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Teacher: "In 1940, what were the Poles doing in Russia?"
Pupil: "Holding up the telegraph lines!"
Q: If athletes get athlete's foot, what do elves get?
A: Mistle-toes!
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class, was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office; he was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did, and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your Mom," she screamed.
"I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me up from school."
Q: Why do schools in West Virginia only have Drivers Ed two days a week?
A: Because they need their cars for Sex Ed the other three days a week!
Q: Where do you find elves?
A: Depends where you left them!
How do elves greet each other?
"Small world, isn't it?"
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars?
A: Elfis!
Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal."
The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job.
Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent.
After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"I know!" called out Little Johnny.
"A horny bastard!"