Girls are like biscuits - they are tough until they get wet.
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The game of choice for unemployed people or maintenance level workers is basketball.
The game of choice for frontline workers is football.
The game of choice for middle management is tennis.
The game of choice for CEOs and executives is golf.
Conclusion: The higher up on the corporate ladder you are, the smaller your balls are.
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A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife.
Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.
After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word he made contact, “Mary. Mary.”
“Is that you, Fred?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, and then I have sex twice. I have lunch, another romp around the golf course, then sex pretty much all afternoon. After supper, golf course again. Then have sex until late at night. The next day it starts again.”
“Oh, Fred you surely must be in heaven.”
“Not exactly, I’m a sheep in Wales.”
Q: Why did the man put condoms on his ears during sex?
A: He didn't want to get hearing aids.
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun.
He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault.
She says, "But sir, its just a sperm bank!"
"I don't care, open it now!" he replies.
So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples.
The guy says, "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!" she looks at him, "BUT, they are sperm samples?"
"DO IT!"
So the nurse sucks it back.
"That one there, drink that one as well," so the nurse drinks that one as well.
Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey its not that hard."
What is the difference between a joystick and a man's d**k?
A joystick does its job.
Knock-Knock
Who is there?
A long penis with a naked head.
Come in please we were waiting for you.
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