What has a hundred balls and f*cks old women?
Bingo!
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A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.
Before the procedure a very attractive nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.
When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table.
The man obeys.
The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.
Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.
The nurse informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vasectomy is easier for the surgeon to locate and sever, thereby making the surgery safer, more efficient and quicker.
The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.
While they are going down the hall the patient looks through a window to the right and sees six men in a room masturbating.
Curious, the man ask “What are they doing in there”?
The nurse responds, “They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care..”
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A little boy asks his Mum "why am I black and you are white ?"
"Don't even ask," she replies "when I think back to that party... you are lucky that you not bark !"
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A famous American golfer is invited to go to China for a golfing tournament.
From the second he gets there, he is treated like a king.
He is given five-star treatment in a five-star hotel until the day of the tournament.
The night before the tournament, he is sitting in his hotel room watching TV.
A hot Asian girl walks up to his room and he says, "Wow. They must really love me here."
He begins to have sex with her the whole night.
She continues to scream, "Chung Hoi! Chung Hoi!," but he ignores it.
At the tournament, the American golfer gets a hole-in-one and gets really excited.
He starts yelling, "Chung Hoi! Chung Hoi!"
One of the Chinese golfers says, "What do you mean 'WRONG HOLE'?"
Q: How are rape and an airplane similar?
A: The ride gets more annoying when the kid starts screaming.
My girlfriend came out of the shower and said, "I shaved my pussy you know what that means?"
I said, "Yeah the fucking drain is clogged again."
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
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If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
Q: How do you circumcise a whale?
A: With four skin-divers.
I hope the children will never find out why I say "oops..." so often when I vacuum their rooms.
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