Joke #2841

Yes, money cannot buy happiness, but it is much more comfortable to cry in a new BMW than on a bike.

My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.

Religion is a lot more like politics. The only difference is that with religion you get to confess your own sins.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,"Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded approvingly. "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

Yo mama so stupid that when I was drowning I yelled out to her that I needed a life saver and she said "Cherry or grape?"

While learning CPR Chuck Norris actually brought the practice dummy to life.

Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor." Doctor: "Are you thirsty?" Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."

There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned. "Get my brown pants."

If you think nobody care if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

A boss took one of his employees to show his new sports car. "That is amazing" the employee was fascinated. "That is true" replied boss "and if you set your new goals higher and work even harder I can get an even better car next year".

One night, there was a knock on my door... i open it and no one was there every night I would get the same knock and still no one was there... Untill the morning I was just making myself some tea as a person knocks on my door it was a black man he walk in and stole my tea .... i said to myself did he just mug me .... I still didn't know who was knocking on the doors at night Untill one night I opened my door and there was a floating mug I was still confused.