Joke #2851

Two drunk Americans were speeding down a deserted road in the Philippines Drunk1: Are there any penguins in the tropics? Drunk2: I don't think so. Drunk1: Then I think we just squished a nun!
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has 39.90 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and sees him. "Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before. What's going on?" Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws back another shot of whisky in one gulp. "But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!" The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes, smiles, and then slurs, "Not anymore! He is!"
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has 54.26 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Seen in a bar near here: "We don't stand in your toilet, so please don't pee on our floor!"
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has 14.23 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Will was trying to to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put a worm in a glass of water & another in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived while the one in the whiskey curled up & d*ed. "All right, son," Said Will, "what does that show you?" "Well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol you will not have worms."
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has 74.54 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dad, kids
An alien walks into a bar and sits next to a drunk guy and begins poking him in the shoulder. The drunk guy just ignores him. After a wile the guy turns to the alien and begins looking him up and down. He notices that the alien has no genitalia. He then asks "You guys have no genitalia, how do you guy have sex?" The alien, still poking him in the arm, just smiles!
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has 60.84 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, sex
How do barmen surf the web? On the Gin-ternet.
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, internet, technology
I gave up alcohol last year. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man goes into a pub and says, ‘I’d like something tall, icy and full of gin.’ The barman turns and shouts into the kitchen, ‘Oi, Doris! Someone to see you!’
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has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman “Can I have a drink for me and one for the road?”
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go buy and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!"
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has 55.71 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, dog