A mother picked her son up from school and began to ask him about his day. “How do you like your new teacher,” she asked. “I don’t. She told me to sit in the front of the class for the present. But then she didn’t end up by giving me one!”
Teacher: "Alex, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?" Alex: "No, Miss." Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He’s in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He’s in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'"
When a teacher closes his eyes, why should it remind him of an empty classroom? Because there are no pupils to see!
Why did the teacher jump into the lake? Because she wanted to test the waters!
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher? Lots of blood tests!
A gentleman wanders around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approaches a student and asked, “Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough and tell me where the library is at?” The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, “I sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!” The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone replied, “I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, asshole?”
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
What kind of food do maths teachers eat? Square meals!
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card." Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
Q: What's the worst thing you're likely to find in the school cafeteria? A: The Food!