At the Cedar Rapids Chamber of Commerce meeting the treasurer reported a deficit of two hundred dollars.
One of the chamber members stood up and said,
"I vote that we donate half of it to the Red Cross and then give the other fifty dollars to the Salvation Army.
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Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
Womens are like computer virus...
they ENTER your life...
SEARCH your pocket...
SHIFT your balance ...
CONTROL your life...
when you become an old version DELET you from the system
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Vote:
The holiday season: A deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.
That bull you sold me is a lazy good-for-nothing.
I told you he was a bum steer.
Your mom is so stupid she thought Nickelback was a refund.
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly, she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards the theater followed by drinks.
They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.
She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap ......... and stay for breakfast.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman.
Are you this nice to every guy you meet?".
"No," she replies, "You just happened to catch my eye."
He was so poor he didn’t even get a yo-yo for Christmas.
His parents could only afford a yo.
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?"
Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY."
Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."