Joke #3725

‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan
Vote:
has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: money

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on her head? A: All you can eat under a buck.
Vote:
has 49.00 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: dirty, money
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Vote:
has 56.98 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: driving, kids, money
Where do bees keep their money? In a honey box.
Vote:
has 22.36 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: money
Billy, learned at school that everybody has secrets. So, he decided to take advantage of it. One day, as he came home from school, he went in front of his mother and told her: "Mommy, mommy! I know everything!" His mom, obviously scared to death: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your father about it, okay?" "Okay mommy!" says Billy and leaves the room with a big smile on his face. When his dad came from work, he did the same to him as well: "Daddy, daddy! I found out everything!" Numb, his father puts his hand on his pocket: "Here, take a 100 euros and say NOTHING to your mother, okay?" "Okay!" says Billy with a bigger smile on his face. The next morning, on his way to school, he sees the Postman. He thought he could try it to him too: "Mr. Focker, I know everything!" The Postman, the minute he heard it, fell on his knees and wide opened his arms: "Then, come... Come closer... My son!"
Vote:
has 82.09 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: dad, death, kids, money, school
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question. “Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated. The witness still did not respond. Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.” “Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
Vote:
has 77.66 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: lawyer, money, political
Chuck Norris does not play the lottery. It doesn't have nearly enough balls.
Vote:
has 79.06 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, money
Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"
Vote:
has 85.48 % from 2204 votes. More jokes about: cop, horse, insulting, money, Santa
A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his wallet with all his money, what would I be?" Little Johnny raises his hand, and with a confident smile, he blurts out, "You'd be his wife!"
Vote:
has 77.49 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: little Johnny, money, school, teacher, wife
A little monster was learning to play the violin,' I'm good, aren't I?' he asked his big brother. 'You should be on the radio,' said his brother. 'You think I'm that good?' 'No, I think you're terrible, but if you were on the radio, I could switch you off !
Vote:
has 35.66 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: money, music
He was so mean that when he found a pack of corn plasters he went out and bought a pair of tight shoes.
Vote:
has 16.16 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: money