Joke #3725

‘Money can’t buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.’ Spike Milligan

A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

OK, who put a stop payment on my reality check?

When does a female deer need money? When she doesnt have a buck.

I'm like Domino's Pizza. If I don't come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.

I can't see the point of going to a lap-dancing club. If I wanted a woman who would take my money and sexually frustrate me, I would get married.

I hate paying my income tax. You should be a good citizen - why don't you pay with a smile? I'd like to but they insist on money.

Man, to friend, ‘A thief has stolen my wife’s credit card. Last month he ran up a bill of over a thousand pounds.’ ‘That’s terrible,’ says the friend. ‘You should report this thief to the police.’ ‘I would,’ says the man. ‘But at the moment he’s spending less than my wife does.’

Yo mama so poor I sat on the garbage can and she said get off from my roof.

Smile and the world audits your taxes.