Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money.
I shall be everlastingly in your debt.
Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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I was in a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said, "I want you to try and sell this to me."
So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building and went home.
Eventually he called my mobile and said, "Bring it back here right now!"
I said, "£100 and it's yours."
In 1996, Florida physical therapist Paul Shimkonis sued his local nudie bar claiming whiplash from a lap dancer's large breasts.
Shimkonis felt he suffered physical harm and mental anguish from the breasts, which he claimed felt like "cement blocks" hitting him.
Shimkonis sought justice in the amount of $15,000, which was denied.
Q: How do you know if Asians are moving into the neighborhood?
A: The Mexicans start buying car insurance.
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown.
She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep.
She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?"
The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car.
The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?
A: Marijuana
If I won the Lottery, I wouldn’t be one of those people who immediately quit their jobs.
I’d make my boss’s life a living hell for a week or two first.
A guy was talking with his friend:
I’ve managed to separate from my wife in common agreement: she gets the house and I get the car and desk.
Ok, but how about your finances?
The lawyer takes care of those...
How do two programmers make money?
One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.
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