Joke #4399

‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’ Rita Rudner

After his divorce Mr. Jones realized that poker isn't the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.

Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.

If Asda is lowering prices every day, why isn’t anything in the shop free yet?

Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed." Guest: "I'll make my own bed." Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

A small boy goes up to a man in the street and asks him if he’s lost £5. The man checks his pockets and says, ‘Well, yes. I think I have lost a £5 note. Have you found one?’ The boy replies, ‘No. I just wanted to see how many people had lost a £5 note today. You make 72.’

Willy: "Mom, are our neighbors very poor people? Mother: "I don't think so, Willy. Why do you ask?" Willy: "Because they made such a fuss when their baby swallowed a coin."

How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.

Is everything expensive or I'm just poor?

Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.

Some American academics, discussing the Six Day War with an Israeli general, were eager to know how it had ended so quickly. The general told them, "We had a crack regiment at the most sensitive front. It was made entirely of lawyers and accountants. When the time came to charge - boy, did they know how to charge!"