‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’ Rita Rudner
I saw a tramp who was so broke he was standing on the corner shouting, ‘Will work for cardboard and a magic marker!’
Father's Day always worried James. He was afraid that he will get a gift he can't afford.
How do you find the population of a Mexican village? Roll a quarter down the street.r
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer. "Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client. "Of course", the lawyer replied, "I charge $200 to answer three questions!" "Well that's a bit steep, isn't it?" "Yes it is", said the lawyer, "And what's your third question?"
He’s in debt up to his eyes. The only thing he’s paid for is his hat.
Money talks – all mine says is ‘Goodbye!’
Stores accept Monopoly money from Chuck Norris.
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
You know who's mad at Kobe? Every other player in the NBA. You know why? Cause he messed around on his wife and bought her a $4 million ring. Yeah, you know what that means: that's the new minimum. Cause you know how women are, man. Women get upset: "Oh, really, what's this? A $1 million ring? What - did that bitch get my $3 million, too?"
Uncle Harry is very rich. His dog was lonely so he bought it a boy to play with. ‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams