Joke #4399

‘Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of “rich” usually cancels out the nice of “bald”.’ Rita Rudner

What I want to know is how did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

An almost blind guy walked into a sexy lingerie shop to purchase their most see-through item for his wife. After receiving some help from the store clerk, he bought a lace teddy for $600 and brought it home for his wife to try on. She took it upstairs and realized that it didn't quite fit. But, she figured, since it's supposed to be see-through and since he's almost blind, she might as well wear nothing at all. So she came downstairs completely naked. "Huh," said the old man, hugging her. "For the amount I paid, they could've at least ironed the damn thing."

Why’s a fat woman like a skateboard? They’re both fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.

Three cheapskates try to figure out a way of killing themselves with one bullet – so they put their heads together.

Yo' Mama is so fat, if she buys a fur coat, a whole species will become extinct.

‘He’s spending a year dead for tax purposes.’ Douglas Adams

A man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool. The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be buddy?" The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles." The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking. "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have." The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?" The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

A horse walks into a bar. He walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer." The bartender is stunned, so he heads to the back of the bar to speak with the owner. "Hey boss" he says, "there's a horse in the bar asking for a beer." The bar owner pauses for a second, then replies "Well then give him one, but charge him double. Horses don't know the price of beer." So the bartender heads back out front and hands the horse a beer. "You know," says the barkeep, "we don't get many horses around here." To which the horse replies, "At these prices I'm not surprised."

I make money the old-fashioned way. My salary is the same as it was ten years ago

Q: Why did Hitler kill himself? A: He saw his gas bill.