Q: What did the big turnip say to the little turnip A: When did you turn up?
Q: What game did the dentist play when she was a child? A: Caps and robbers
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnnie. "Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a period." "I don't know," said Johnnie, "but this morning my sister said she missed one and Daddy totally freaked out and Mommy fainted"
Did you hear about the baby who swallowed a pin? It was OK. It was a safety pin.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, the kids yell, "Here comes the school bus."
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Two little kids are in hospital beds next to each other. The first kid leans over and asks, What are you in here for? The second kid says, Im in here to get my tonsils out and Im a little nervous. The first kid says, Youve got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of jelly and ice-cream. Its a breeze. Cool, says the second kid. What are you in here for? A circumcision. Whoa! exclaims the second kid. Good luck, mate. I had that done just after I was born and I couldnt walk for a year.
On a men's bathroom wall, someone had hastily scrawled, "I slept with your mother." Underneath it, another person had written, "Go home dad, you're drunk."
Little Susan was helping her mother to set the table, cause her father invited over his company managers. When everybody sat on the table, her mother noticed that a flatware set was missing. "Susan, why didn’t you put flatware on Mr. Marc’s seat?" "I thought that I didn’t have to, since dad told us that Mr. Marc, eats like a pig…"