Joke #3006

Sign seen in a bar: "Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."
Vote: has 50.45 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Two friends were having a discussion about their relatives.... "I'll never amount to anything in life..", said the one friend. "In fact, my uncle is the town drunk.." "Well...that's not too bad.", replied the other, trying to console his friend. "Where does your uncle live..?" "New York City..."
Vote: has 63.17 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drunk, life
Q: What's the best way of investing your money? A: Alcohol, where else do you get 40%?
Vote: has 71.43 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, money
Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !" Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?" Man says "no, I spill most of it !"
Vote: has 65.16 % from 22 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, doctor
A nose walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Sorry, I can't serve you. You're already off your face."
Vote: has 48.02 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A man in a bar, after several drinks, began bragging that he could identify any type of wood by its smell only. The patrons of the bar decided to test him. The man was blindfolded and presented with several pieces of wood. First they tried maple. He smelled it and said, "That's maple." They then tried ebony; he again smelled it and named the wood correctly. He did this with every piece of wood they brought before him. The bartender then got an idea to trick him. And they took one of the waitresses and put her crotch up to his nose. He sniffed for a while. "Boy," he said "This is difficult. Flip that board over and let me smell the other side." So they took they waitress and put her ass near his nose. He took a big whiff, started to smile and said, "You guys can't fool me! That's the shit house door from a tuna boat!"
Vote: has 66.46 % from 70 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar
One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him." So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir," he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!" The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing, where you from?", "I'm from Dublin", second man stunned says, "Me too! What street do you live on?", "McCarthy street", second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?", the first man announces, "162", second man shocked says, "Me too! What are your parents names?", first man replies, "Connor and Shannon", second man awestruck says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!" So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?" "Oh, the Murphy twins are drunk again."
Vote: has 84.00 % from 510 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?". "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies. At this point the cop looks down to see that Edwards p*nis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? Edward looks down sadly and moans, "OHHH GOD...they got Julie too!"
Vote: has 76.41 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, car, cop, god
Why did god make beer? So the Irish would not take over the world.
Vote: has 35.23 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, "What's your pleasure?" The seal replies, "Anything but Canadian Club."
Vote: has 26.98 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."
Vote: has 75.58 % from 103 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, beer, science, women