Joke #3007

A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer. The barman says 'Sorry we don't serve snails' and throws him out. A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says... 'What did you do that for!'
Vote: has 35.66 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

There once was two people Lisa and Brian They got married and had a child. The only problem was that the child was only a head, he had no arms, legs or torso. So all his life he was picked on and teased and he always wished he had a body. So when he turned 21 his dad took him to a bar and let him have his first beer ever. When he drank a whole bottle an arm popped out. When he drank more bottles more body parts popped out. After drinking many beers he finally had a whole body. As they left the bar, he was very drunk and was hit by a bus and he died. The moral of the story "Quit while you're a head."
Vote: has 25.81 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, kids, life, marriage
What’s the difference between a bar and a g-spot? Most men have no trouble finding a bar.
Vote: has 56.60 % from 177 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, sex
Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Bill looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean. So's the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Bill asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door." Confused, Bill asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off you said, "Lady leave me alone, I'm married'!"
Vote: has 80.44 % from 42 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, drug, love, marriage, time
A man goes to a bar says, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man it seems i forgot my wallet. The barman kicks him in the guts and throws him out. The next day the man comes again, "Barman drinks on me to you the owner and everybody else in here!" Comes the end of the night the man say...sorry man i don't have any money on me. The barman hits him in the face with bar stool brakes his leg and throws him out. The following day the man comes to the bar again, "Barman drinks on me for the owner and everybody else in here!" Barman says, "What am not getting a free drink tonight?" "Sorry man but you get violent when you drink."
Vote: has 61.89 % from 33 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, money
Three men were drunk and they stopped a taxi. The taxi driver figured that they were not in their minds so, he just switched on the engine and switched it off and told them: "we have arrived". The first man gave him money. The second one thanked the taxi driver. The third one slapped him (the taxi driver). The taxi driver was stunned because he was hoping that none of them had realized that the car didn't move an inch, but he faked surprise and asked the third man: "what was that for?". The drunken man replied: "control your speed next time! you nearly killed us!!!"
Vote: has 73.12 % from 80 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, car, money
A man walks into a nearly empty bar and orders a drink. He's sitting alone at the end of the bar, sipping away, and he hears a voice. "Nice shirt." He looks around and sees no one nearby. He forgets about it and continues drinking. "Nice tie," the voice says again. He looks around a second time. The bartender and all other customers are at the other side of the room. Confused, the man calls the bartender over and asks about the mysterious voice that admired his clothing. "Oh, that's the peanuts," the bartender said. "The peanuts?" asked the man. "Yeah, they're complimentary."
Vote: has 46.54 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender
What do you call an alcoholic dog? A whino!
Vote: has 11.76 % from 59 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Valentines Slogans 10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunk, But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollow, Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the store, In hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so right, I just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class, Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famished, But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!! 4. Through all the things that came to pass, Our love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie, I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny, So right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny! 1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister. You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
Vote: has 48.13 % from 23 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, love, money, sex, Valentines day
There were three strings that walked into the bar. They sat down and they didn't get waited on so the first string walked up to the bar and asked for three beers. The bartender said, "I'm sorry buddy we don't serve strings in here." The string walks back to the table and tells his friends what the bartender said. "I've been here before and gotten a drink, I'll go get us something to drink," said the second string. The second sting walks up to the bar and politely asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender says, "I thought I told your buddy we don't serve strings in here." So the second string walks back and and tells his friends what has happened. The third string says "Oh, I come in here all the time, I know how to order something to drink." The third sting walks to the restroom where he ties himself up and muffs up his end. He then walks out to the bar and asks the bartender for three beers. The bartender kind of looks at him weird and says, "You a string?" "Frayed knot," he replies.
Vote: has 39.90 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, beer
Q:How do you find a man in a bar who is sensitive, caring and good looking? A:He's nursing a Mike's Hard Lemonade and is acting super super gay!
Vote: has 47.37 % from 18 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol