Joke #3056

A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender asks the man what he could get him and why the man was pulling that chain around? The man answered " HEY!! you ever tried pushing one of these things!!"
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, beauty, husband, women
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man. "Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically," remarked his friend. "I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
Vote: has 87.76 % from 249 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, marriage, men, wife
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Vote: has 73.89 % from 20 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax
So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We have a drink named after you!". The grasshopper says "Oh yeah? You have a drink named Leonard?!".
Vote: has 44.24 % from 10 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?" "I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made all the appetisers herself and we have a caterer coming in to provide plenty of sandwiches and cakes for all of our guests." "I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you properly prepared spiritually?" "Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."
Vote: has 66.71 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food, priest
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Vote: has 51.61 % from 25 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, bar, chemistry, science
An Irishman drinks at the pub until they close. He stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time and falls again. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Outside, he tries to stand up and falls flat again. He gives up and crawls the four blocks to his house, crawls up the stairs and pulls himself into bed. The next morning, his wife stands over him shouting, "So, you've been out boozing again!" "What makes you say that?" he asks, putting on an innocent face. "The pub called -- you left your wheelchair there again."
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol
When Chuck Norris was a child, he would play with real logs instead of Lincoln logs.
Vote: has 44.13 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, kids
Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
Vote: has 15.98 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, football
It’s late evening and Tom’s wife catches him pouring six cans of lager down the toilet. ‘What on earth are you doing?’ she says. Tom replies, ‘Well, it seems a waste, but I thought it’d save me getting up in the night.’
Vote: has 29.01 % from 7 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol