Joke #6060

Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
Vote: has 65.48 % from 26 votes. Send joke:

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A woman is standing looking in the bedroom mirror… She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, “I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly… I really need you to pay me a compliment.” The husband replies, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
Vote: has 86.84 % from 688 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, marriage, ugly
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Vote: has 83.42 % from 419 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, kids, stupid, ugly, women
A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."
Vote: has 78.50 % from 56 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, mean, party, ugly, women
Two old friends are having coffee when the first woman says, "I hear that you’ve been telling people that I’m ugly!" "Oh NO! I’ve just been saying that your new hairdo makes you look less attractive." "I also heard that you’ve been calling me fat?" "Oh NO! I just said that the way you wear those stripes makes you look larger than you really are." "I’ve also heard that you’re saying that my husband has a wart on his dick!" "Oh NO! I only said that it feels like he has a wart on his dick!"
Vote: has 67.79 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, husband, sex, ugly, women
Yo Momma so fat and ugly that when she applied to become a movie star she got the part "Godzilla".
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: celebrity, fat, ugly, Yo mama
I was walking home last night when I noticed an old drunk staggering along the road. He passed a woman who was walking a young child. "Lady", said the drunk, "that's the ugliest kid I've ever seen. Damn, that is one ugly child!." As the drunk wandered off, the lady burst into tears. Just then, a mailman came to her rescue. "What's the matter, madam?" he asked. "I've just been horribly insulted" she sobbed. "There there," said the mailman, reaching into his pocket. "Dry your eyes with this tissue, and here's a banana for the chimp"
Vote: has 64.34 % from 39 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, animal, food, kids, ugly
Yo momma so skinny she looks like a mic stand.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, mean, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat that when god said let there be light. When god saw her he said let there be darkness.
Vote: has 50.70 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fat, god, ugly, Yo mama
Yo mama is so fat a bus hit her and she said a mosquito.
Vote: has 49.86 % from 6 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, fat, Yo mama
Yo mama so fat she died.
Vote: has 35.28 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: alcohol, death, fat, insulting