Joke #3097

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldoser.

What did the black kid get for Christmas? YOUR BIKE!

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie. You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You ever cut your grass and found a car. The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner. You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'. You own a homemade fur coat. The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You can get dog hair from out of your belly button. The beer can collection in the town museum is the big tourist attraction. People hear your car a long time before they see it.

Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".

What do you call a old snowman? Water.

Most babies born today are very young.

He’s been hitting the bottle for years. He’ll be two tomorrow.

Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that’s a deep hole!" Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently… They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast! The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We’d better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!" So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened. "Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?" one of the men asked. The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?" The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat. The farmer said, "Well boys, I don’t think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."

Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

A 5 year old and a 3 year old are upstairs in their bedroom "You know what?" says the 5 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing." The 3 year old nods his head in approval, so the 5 year old says, "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?" "Ok" the 3 year old, agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5 year old what he wants for breakfast. "Shit mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Fruit Loops." (WHACK...she spanks him) He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 3 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know mum, but it won't be fucking Fruit Loops."

Why are little girls better than little boys? Because when you're finished using them as little girls, you can turn them over and use them as little boys.