Joke #4381

A mother found out she was pregnant and told the good news to anyone who would listen. One day when mother and son were shopping, a woman asked the little boy if he was excited about the new baby. ‘Yes!’ the four-year-old said. ‘And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!'

When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open." So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper. He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open." Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open! Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense," So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I Understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

A farmer brought his daughter a little pot-belly pet pig. She called it "Stinky" when she played with it out in the yard, but she called it "Ballpoint" when it was in the sty. "Tell me," asked her father, "Why do you have two names for your pig?" "That’s easy," she replied, "Ballpoint is just his pen name."

Happy Father's Day to a dad who was smart enough to teach me how to mow the lawn so he would't have to.

Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him… Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly. He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?" The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Husband: "Good night mother of my three sons." Wife: "Same to you father of none."

Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."

Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)

A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.