Joke #3120

Q: What did the adding machine say to the cashier? A: You can count on me.

When Chuck Norris was a kid his parents took him to a beach in Georgia. While swimming Chuck Norris pants came down and out popped Florida.

The moon is just a football Chuck Norris kicked up when he was a kid.

I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.

You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

Q: What does a nosey pepper do? A: Gets jalapeno business!

Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited. Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"

What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie? Putting the shoes on the flies!

A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?" His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don’t know, son." The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?" Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son." Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?" Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son." The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I’m asking you all of these questions?" "Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"

He was so ugly when he was born they didn’t know whether to buy a cot or a cage.

One day this little girl’s dad came home and she runs up to him. “Daddy, the cat died today!” “Well, darling,” said the dad. “That’s just something that happens.” “But why are his arms and legs up in the air?” “Well, darling, that’s just something they do.” She takes the death fairly well and doesn’t mention it until a few days later. When the dad comes home, she runs up to him. “Daddy, Daddy, Mommy almost died today!” “What are you talking about?” “I came downstairs and I heard her screaming ’Oh Jesus, take me, take me!’ And she had her arms and legs up in the air and if it hadn’t been for the mailman trying to revive her she would have died.”