In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.
Golf is an expensive way of playing marbles.
Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.
Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with disappointments.
The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.
There's no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging.
Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
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Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later.
The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.
The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"
The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
Guy: "You see doc, the problem is obesity runs in the family."
Doctor: "No, the problem is no one runs in your family."
Why did the man keep doing the backstroke?
He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!
Q: What's the difference between an NFL player and an elevator?
A: The elevator can raise a child.
Two NBA basketball referees were walking through the countryside and they noticed some tracks.
The first said, "Deer tracks?"
"No," replied the second, "Bear tracks."
The conversation ended abruptly when the train hit them.
Two guys on a double bike where pedaling up a hill.
It took forever to get to the top.
When they finally got to the top the first guy said in a pant, "Whew, that was so hard."
The second replied, "If I hadn't been pushing the brakes the whole time we would have rolled down backwards."
Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Para-olympics?
A: Having two legs.
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Everyone should stop hating on Lance Armstrong.
He won 7 Toure De France's on DRUGS!
When I'm on drugs, I can't even FIND my bicycle.
Why did the basketball player go to jail?
"Because he shot the ball!"
The Karate Kid killed caught a fly with two chopsticks, Chuck Norris killed a rhino with one.
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