Why did the mobster put his money in the freezer?
He liked cold hard cash!
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If George Washington were alive today, why couldn't he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?
Because a dollar doesn't go as far as it used to.
Q: Why do men pay more for car insurance?
A: Women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon.
Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor would
there be any "we" in the first place."
Yo' Mama is so poor, her bathroom consists of a tin can and a pile of leaves.
Yo mama is so poor that she had to get a second mortgage on her cardboard box.
Yo Mama So fat...
She sat on top of Walmart and lowered the prices.
“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles.
“My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”
Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it??
A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!
How do you know you have a great CPA?
He has a tax loophole named after him.
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