Joke #3183

Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!

Chuck Norris has never received an electricity bill, he powers everything with his rage

A deer hunter was bragging about the biggest, baddest, handsomest, heaviest deer he'd bagged the day before. "It's got enough meat to eat the whole year," he boasted. Just then the Game Warden came up and cited the man $500 for hunting without the proper tag. "Five-hundred dollars?" exclaimed the hunter. "All for a mangy, skinny, stubby, half-pint deer?"

This antique pocket watch has been in my family for generations. It’s true. My grandfather sold me it on his deathbed.

Wife: "Honey let's play a game?" Husband: "Ok, what is the game all about?" Wife: "If I mention a country, you will run to the left side of the room and touch the wall. And if I mention a bird you will run to the right side of the room and touch the wall. If you run to the wrong direction, you will give me all your salary for the month." Husband: "Ok and if you fail, I will have your salary too right?" Wife: (smile) "Yes darling." Husband: "Ok" (stood up and was ready to run to any direction) Wife: "Are u ready?" Husband: "Yes, ready." Wife: "Turkey" It has been 4 hours now the husband is still standing at the spot wondering if she meant the country or the bird.

If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.

A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife made a wish too, but she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"

‘If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.’ Mark Twain

Heres what you do: 1. Dinner 2. Kiss 3. Movie 4. Sex 5. Bring her back home 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting

‘If you owe the bank $100, that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.’ John Paul Getty A woman rings her insurance company. ‘Our house burnt down and I want £100,000,’ she says.

We were so poor we couldn’t get rid of the roaches in our house because they paid half the rent.