Joke #3183

Why is money called dough? Because we all knead it!
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A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery." Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it. Joe again prays... "God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays... "My God, why have you forsaken me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket."
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Yo' Mama is so poor, when I asked where her bathroom was, she said, "Fourth bottle from the left."
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Yo' Mama is so poor, she considers the give-a-penny/take-a-penny cups part of her own "Save Yo' Mama" foundation.
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George meets a genie in the street, which tells him to make a wish and it will make it true. "I want to pee whiskey," he says. “But are you sure? You can ask for money, wealth, anything you want." "No I want to pee whiskey." The genie thinks what can it do, it makes his wish true. George goes home, calls his wife, Sue: "Woman, get nuts and two glasses." Curious she was, she brings them. "What do you want them? She asks him. Once we don’t have any drinks." From now on, we will both have as much whiskey as we want, says to her. And really he fills the two glasses with whiskey. They clink, drink one, drink two drinks, make some fun … and play a little game. The other night the same happen. "Woman, bring two glasses and nuts." So they spend their evenings. One night, however, the scene changed. "Woman, bring nuts and a cup." "A, for one?" "You will drink from the bottle today."
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Fred: Thank you so much for lending me that money. I shall be everlastingly in your debt. Harry: That's what I'm afraid of!
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A mink in the wardrobe often leads to a wolf at the door.
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Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million pounds like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second…
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Happy Father's Day! I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it. By the way, can I borrow $20?
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Patient to friend: "I saw the doctor to day about my loss of memory." Friend: "What did he do?" Patient: "He made me pay him in advance."
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Harry to Tom: ‘My uncle died last week. Left me sod all.’ Tom: ‘Wow. Sod Hall. How many rooms has it got?’
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