“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”
“What?
Are you crazy?
The house is a mess, I haven’t been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!” “I know all that.”
“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”
“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”
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Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up.
The ladies say I'm like Usain Bolt in the bedroom...
I usually wear a yellow and green vest.
Q: Why was the blonde girl's belly button bruised?
A: Because blonde men are dumb too.
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called "Man, The Master of Womem"?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar.
They talk, they connect, and they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears are on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones are on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears are on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised by the collection, especially because it’s so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
She turns to him…they kiss…then they rip each other’s clothes off and romp around the room all night.
After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, “Well, how’d I do?”
The woman says, “You can have any prize from the bottom shelf.”
Three women are discussing their teenage daughters.
The first declares: “I was so shocked last week. I was tidying my daughter”s room and I found a packet of cigarettes under her pillow. I didn’t even know that she smoked!”
“It gets worse than that,” says the second mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and I found a bottle of vodka under her bed. I didn’t even know that she drank!”
“Oh, it gets even worse than that,” says the third mother. “I was tidying my daughter”s room last week and you”ll never guess what I found in her bedside cabinet: a packet of condoms! I didn’t even know that she had a penis!”
A guy asks a Chinese lady for her phone number she says, "Free, sex, free, sex, tonight."
The guy said," wow" and her friend says she means 363629.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it..
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 95%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.