Q:Why did the woman cross the road?
A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
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Companies are working on a camera which has such a fast shutter speed that it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut. Advance Booking open!
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
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Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
A Lady calls the airline office in New York and asks, "How long does it take to fly to Hawaii?"
The clerk says to her, "Just a second."
The woman says "Thank you", and hangs up.
Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette all enter the International Breast Stroke Swim across the English Channel.
After about 8 hours, the brunette makes it across, followed shortly by the redhead.
No sign of the blonde.
After 12 hours they decide they'd better go look for her when she pretty much washes up on shore.
They rush over to her and wrap her in warm blankets and give her a hot drink.
After a few minutes, she is breathing easier and says, "I don't like to tattle, but I think those other ladies were using their arms!"
A very fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk,
"I would like to see a bikini that fits me."
Clerk, "me too..."
A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!"
The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends."
Doctor, the embarrassed man said, "I have a sexual problem. I can't get it up for my wife anymore."
"Mr. Thomas, bring her back with you tomorrow and let me see what I can do."
So, the worried fellow returned with his wife the following pad.
The doctor greeted the coupled and then said, "Please remove your clothes, Mrs. Thomas."
The woman obliged and removed her clothing.
"Okay, now turn all the way around... Now, lie down please... Uh-huh, I see. Alright, you can put your clothes back on."
While the woman was busy dressing herself again, the doctor took the husband aside.
"You're in perfect health," he said to the man. "Your wife didn't give me an erection either."
What do you call a black woman thats had 5 or more abortions?
Crime fighter.
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