Joke #7357

Q:Why did the woman cross the road? A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?

Chuck Norris can make love to a girl so hard and fast it inspired a reality tv series. We know it as Forged in the fire.

If your girlfriend never makes you angry, she is fake. A real one acts like an evil spirit.

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"

"Yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, couldn't drive, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned."

A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."

Question: What happened to the only man that finally figured women out? Answer: He died laughing.

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women? When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Boy: "Hey baby, what's your sign?" Girl: "Do Not Enter!"

A lady at a party goes up to Winston Churchill and tells him, "Sir, you are drunk." Churchill replies, "Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober."