Joke #3201

One cutting edge aquarium saved a lot of money when its owner discovered a means to make the dolphins live forever -- since the dolphins never died, no money needed to be spent on buying new ones. Extending the dolphins' lives required putting a special mixture into their food; one of the ingredients was baby sea gull meat. So one day, one of the workers was sent to the beach to find some. On the way back, baby sea gulls in hand, he had to pass through a forest. In the middle of the path was a sleeping lion. He very carefully stepped over it, only to be handcuffed by a policeman. "Officer," he said, "what's going on?" "You're under arrest," said the policeman. "But why?" he asked. The policeman replied, "For transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises."
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A policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver’s license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver’s license, he asks for registration. Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, “It’s that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment.” “Ah,” she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out. Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, “Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!”
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According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you.... Unless your name happens to be Bruce.
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A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed... A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked, "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied, "He went that way." After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough, sister. You see, I don't want to go to Syria." The nun said, "I understand completely." The soldier added, "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls…. I don't want to go to Syria either."
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A rookie police officer was assigned to ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came over the car's radio telling them to disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner." No one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off the corner!" Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled glances in his direction. Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?" "Pretty good," replied the veteran, "especially since this is a bus stop."
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The officer reported to the watch commander about having no luck with the witness. "Did you browbeat him, yell at him, and ask him every question you could come up with?" asked the watch commander. "I certainly did." "And?" "And he said, 'Yes dear you're right,' and dozed off!"
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A rabbi and a priest crash into each other at a four-way junction. They both get out of their cars and look at the wreck. They both thank God they are OK, and the priest says, ‘This must be a sign that God wanted us to meet.’ The rabbi says, ‘Yes, indeed, let’s drink.’ So the rabbi gets out some wine. They toast each other and the priest drinks his glass. But the rabbi doesn’t take a taste of his drink. Priest: ‘Why aren’t you drinking?’ Rabbi: ‘I’m waiting for the police.’
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One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE." It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE." The policeman arrested her on the spot.
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Traffic was backed up for miles, the police were going car to car. When they got to my car I asked the officer what was going on. He said "It's O.J. again. He's up there threatening to set himself on fire! We are going car to car collecting donations." "Donations!" I said, "How much you got so far?" He said "about ten gallons."
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If Chuck Norris ever got caught for speeding, he'd let the cops off with a warning.
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A squad car driver was covering a quiet beat out in the sticks when he was amazed to find a former lieutenant on the police force covering the beat. He stopped the car and asked, "Why, Irish Mike, this wouldn't be your new beat out here in the sticks, would it?" "That it is, "Irish Mike replied grimly, "ever since I arrested the judge on his way to the masquerade ball." "You mean you pinched his honor?" asked Pat. "How was I to know that his convict suit was only a costume?" demanded Mike. "Well," mused Pat, "there's a lesson in this somewhere." "That there is," replied Irish Mike...." 'Tis wise never to book a judge by his cover."
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