Joke #4179

What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater? A plain clothes police dog!

A police officer stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Yo' Mama is so fat, when the cops see her on a street corner, they yell, "Hey you guys, break it up!"

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

Trafic policeman: "Didn't you hear my whistle, madam?" Woman driver: "Yes, but I don't like flirting while I'm driving."

A policeman spots a woman driving and knitting at the same time. Driving up beside her, he shouts out the window, "Pull over!" "No," she shouts back, "a pair of socks!"

Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."

A cop pulls a guy over: Sir, why were you speeeding? Officer, I wanted to get home quickly, before I became really drunk.

A female police officer pulls over a drunk driver Officer: "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do can and will be held against you in the court of law." Driver: "Tits"

A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratchs out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."

One night, a lady with a black eye stumbled into the police station. She told the desk sergeant that she had heard a noise in her back yard and gone to investigate. The next thing she knew, she was hit in the face and knocked out cold. An officer was sent to her house to investigate, and he returned a few minutes later, also with a black eye. ‘Did you get hit by the same attacker?’ his captain asked. ‘No, sir,’ he replied. ‘I stepped on the same rake.’