One evening, Little Johnny, his brother Little Jimmy, and their father, Big Jimmy John, sat down to eat supper. Big Jimmy John turned to Little Jimmy and asked, "Little Jimmy, what would you like to eat first?"
To this Little Jimmy replied, "I want some of them fuckin' peas."
In a flash, Big Jimmy John slapped the shit out Little Jimmy.
"Now what did you want to eat first Jimmy?" asked his father.
I want some of them fuckin' peas," said Jimmy.
Big Jimmy John then back handed Little Jimmy clean out of his chair and half way across the room.
Little Jimmy shook it off and promptly returned to the table where his father once again asked, "Little Jimmy, now what would you like to eat?"
Once again Little Jimmy responded, "I want some of them fuckin' peas!"
Furiously, Big Jimmy John snapped, savagely beatting Little Jimmy, leaving him bleeding and unconcious on the kitchen floor.
Returning to the table, short of breathe, and trying to regain his composure, Big Jimmy John turned to his other son Little Johnny and calmly asked,"Well Little Johnny, just what would you like to eat first?"
Little Johnny, glancing at his brother on the floor, turned back to his father and quickely exclaimed, "Well you can bet your sweet ass, it ain't none of them Fuckin' Peas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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One day the kids in Ms. Evans science class was disagreeing with her.
Ms. Evans was talking about evolution.
Ms. Evans was and atheist so she didn't believe in God.
Then Johnny raised his hand and said, "But I thought God created mankind?"
Ms. Evans then replied, "Well can you see God?"
"No."
"Hear God?"
"No."
"Feel God?"
"No."
This went on for quite a while.
"Well then God doesn't exist."
Then Johnny whispered back to his friend Jimmy, "Can you see Ms. Evan's brain. No, so that must not exist."
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Little Johnny: Dad, Is it true?
I heard that in some countries where arranged marriage is a custom, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries!
Father: Son, that happens everywhere, after marriage you find out everything!”
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Little Johnny's class is reviewing the alphabet.
His teacher knows that he has an "advanced" vocabulary for his age, so she avoids calling on him.
When the teacher asks for a word beginning with "A," Little Johnny raises his hand.
The teacher anticipates he'll say, "ass" so she calls on Mary Lou, who says "apple."
This continues because the teacher knows that Little Johnny knows a cuss word for every letter of the alphabet.
Then she gets to "R." She can't think of any cuss words that begin with R, so she calls on Johnny.
He exclaims, "R is for rats big f**king rats, with 12-inch c**ks!"
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An elementary school class goes on a field trip to the police station.
The Officer points to the 10 MOST WANTED list and tells them that these are the most wanted fugitives in the USA.
Little Boy says " He is the MOST WANTED in the USA?!" Officer says "Yes."
Little Boy asks "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture.
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Little Johnny's teacher asks him, "If I have 5 cookies, and I give you 2, how many cookies do I have left?"
Little Johnny replies, "Zero, you're giving me more than just 3 cookies. I'm taking all 5 baby!"
The teacher just facepalms herself. "I can strongly suggest that you work on your math skills Johnny." the teacher suggests.
"Oh I know math, one man plus one girl, subtract a condom, equals a baby!" Little Johnny says.
Little Johnny's teacher asks, "What is the chemical formula for water?"
Little Johnny replies, "HIJKLMNO"!
The teacher, puzzled, asks, "What on Earth are you talking about?"
Little Johnny replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!"
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Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson.
'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?'
'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly.
'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?'
'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'
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Teacher: "Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand."
Johnny: "My penis in your hand."
Teacher: "What?"
Johnny: "Sorry teacher, I forgot to put a space between pen is."
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Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.
Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off!
There won't be a $200 bike this year."
Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase.
His father asks him why he's leaving.
Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"
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A Concerned mother warns her little boy, "don't look at naked women or you'll turn to stone."
Johnny loved his mother, and as such decided not to look at naked women.
But one day johhny and his friend were walking along a beach, and saw a woman sunbathing naked.
Johnny remembered what his mother said, and turned and ran away from the woman.
his friend finally catches up to him and asks why he ran.
Johnny told his friend what his mother said, and then added, "and it must be true, because when i saw that woman I felt myself going rock hard in my trousers
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