Joke #3360

Husband: I want to go somewhere on holiday this year I've never been before. Wife: Well, how about the kitchen?
Vote: has 32.79 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
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Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married? A: Because they part for every little shit.
Vote: has 59.19 % from 15 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting, marriage
A bloke's wife goes missing while diving off the West Australian coast. He reports the event, searches fruitlessly and spends a terrible night wondering what could have happened to her.  Next morning there's a knock at the door and he is confronted by a couple of policemen, the old Sarge and a younger Constable. The Sarge says, "Mate, we have some news for you, unfortunately some really bad news, but, some good news, and maybe some more good news".  "Well," says the bloke, "I guess I'd better have the bad news first." The Sarge says, "I'm really sorry mate, but your wife is dead. Young Bill here found her lying at about five fathoms in a little cleft in the reef. He got a line around her and we pulled her up, but she was dead."  The bloke is naturally pretty distressed to hear of this and has a bit of a turn. But after a few minutes he pulls himself together and asks what the good news is. The Sarge says, "Well when we got your wife up there were quite a few really good sized crayfish and a swag of nice crabs attached to her, so we've brought you your share."  He hands the bloke a sugar bag with a couple of nice crays and four or five crabs in it.  "Geez, thanks. They're bloody beauties. I guess it's an ill wind and all that... so what's the other possible good news?" "Well", the Sarge says, "if you fancy a quick trip, me and young Bill here get off duty at around 11 o'clock and we're gonna shoot over there and pull her up again!"
Vote: has 50.29 % from 43 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, death, marriage, travel, wife
I fell in love with my wife at second sight. The first time I didn’t know she had money.
Vote: has 52.80 % from 86 votes. Send joke:
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A guy stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity: looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the damn ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," says his partner. "You'll never hit her from here."
Vote: has 86.07 % from 673 votes. Send joke:
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Three women talk about their husband's performance as lovers. The first woman says, "My husband is a marriage counselor, so he always buys me flowers and candy before we make love." The second woman says, "My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and use leather sometimes." The third woman shakes her head and says, "My husband works for an Internet company. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great it's going to be when I get it."
Vote: has 55.25 % from 51 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, love, marriage, women
Two husbands were having a conversation, First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Vote: has 63.61 % from 450 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: husband, marriage, wife
A guy sits down at the bar and orders drink after drink rapidly. “Is everything okay, pal?”, the bartender asks. “My wife and I got into a fight and she said she isn’t talking to me for a month!”. Trying to put a positive spin on things, the bartender says, “Well, maybe that’s kind of a good thing. You know, a little peace and quiet?” “Yeah. But today is the last day”.
Vote: has 33.50 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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Wife to husband: ‘One more word and I’m going straight back to mother!’ Husband: ‘Taxi!!’
Vote: has 49.93 % from 24 votes. Send joke:
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I never knew happiness till I got married. By then it was too late.
Vote: has 80.46 % from 20 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: marriage, mean, time
Like changing coins - I always desired to change my 60 old years wife to three 20 years girls!
Vote: has 84.08 % from 85 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: age, life, marriage, money, wife