What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
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This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.
A man went into the drugstore and asked for a deodorant.
"The ball type?" asked the clerk.
"No," said the dumb man. "It's for my underarms."
What should you give a man who has everything?
A. A woman to show him how to work it.
B. Penicillin.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"
So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver...
Boy: "Hi, my name is Milk. I'll do your body good."
Girl: "Sorry, I'm Lactose intolerant!"
Men are like... Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
A man, a woman, and a great survivor are trapped on an island.
The survivor finds a bunch of coconuts.
The man thinks to himself, "What if there are other people on the island? Then we won't be stranded!"
He throws coconuts at nearby ships, and the island was populated.
Everybody looks at him cross.
Then they kick him off the island.