What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
Jose approaches the Mexican border on his bicycle. Hanging from his shoulders he has two large, bulky bags. The border patrol guard stops him and says,"Hey mister what ya got in those bags?" "Just sand," replied Jose.
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more. "Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk. The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country." The man says "Oh is that where the job is?" The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
Do you know why bankers are good lovers? They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me". Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions.
What is a "successful hunting trip"? When three men kill 9 cases of Budweiser in two days