What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
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Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
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Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
Why does a penis have a hole at the end?
So guys can be open-minded.
A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," he says.
Husband says: "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
Wife replied: "What makes you think I'd want another man like you!"
How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk.
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
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