What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward? It ends up in his mouth.
This man goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs. He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle." "OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?" "A fottle, replies the inventor." "A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?" "I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton." "And what do you call that?" asks the clerk. "A farton", replies the inventor. "That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!" "In that case," says the inventor... "You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
They put one man on the moon. Why can’t they put them all there?
Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
What does a man make best for dinner? Reservations.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, wine and dine her, buy gifts for her, listen to her, respect her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Arrive naked... with beer.
Why do men want to vote for a female President? Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
A Roadway driver is driving east on Route 66 he sees a truck driving west and the CB crackles to life. “Hey Roadway driver, who are the two biggest fags in America?” comes from the CB. The Roadway driver replies, “I don’t know.” The other trucker says ” You and your brother.” Well the Roadway driver gets annoyed but the other driver tells him “It’s just a joke – tell it to the next truck you see.” Well the Roadway driver drives for about an hour and finally sees another truck. He gets on the CB and says “Hey other truck, do you know who the two biggest fags in the world are?” The other trucker says, “I don’t know, who?” The roadway driver replies “Me and my brother.”
Ones the bus was full of people. A man looks at a lovely girl, she looks at him, he smiled, she did so, he told her get off at the next station, she did, he took her place.