What usually happens when a man puts his best foot forward?
It ends up in his mouth.
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One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word:
"I am having such a wonderful time! Wish you were her..!"
Do you know why bankers are good lovers?
They know first hand the penalty for early withdrawal.
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
10 things men don't say
1)Let's watch Lifetime.
2)Sex is overrated.
3)I don't want to go too far on the first date.
4)Yes, your sister does have bigger breasts than you.
5)Don't we owe your mother a visit?
6)I'm relieved I don't have a large penis weighing me down.
7)Dessert goes right to my hips.
8)I hate when I miss Oprah.
9)Does this suit make me look fat?
10)I'll never get tired of listening to Dido.
Vote:
Why didn't the husband change the baby for a week?
Because the text on the nappies package said "18-40 lbs".
What is a man's idea of helping with housework?
Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
Men are like.....Vacations.
They never seem to be long enough.
How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire?
Both of them.
This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of Playboy.
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.