Joke #3221

What is a man's idea of helping with housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.
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has 57.36 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: men

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Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.
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has 67.36 % from 114 votes. More jokes about: dirty, gay, men, sex
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing. The police arrive and ask for a description. She tells them he's 6 foot 2 inches tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him. The police then go to the next door neighbor to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police, "You can't believe her. He's 5 foot 4 inches tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face." The neighbor then goes and asks the lady why she gave the police such a false report. She replies, "Just because I reported him missing, doesn't mean I wanted him back!"
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has 52.93 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: cop, love, men
A man parachuted out of an aeroplane and his chute did not open. As he headed for almost certain death, he saw a man coming up toward him through the air from the ground. As the man zoomed by, the man headed down asked, "Do you know anything about parachutes?" The man replied in passing, "No, you know anything about gas stoves?"
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has 78.03 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: airplane, death, men
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
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has 54.59 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
Something Special For His Birthday It was Jim's birthday, and he was considered to be an "old man" by his friends standards. So, to liven him up a bit, Jim's friends decided to give him something special for his birthday. They bought him a hooker. The call girl, as she preferred to be called, went to his house and knocked on the door. When Jim answered, she said "Hi I'm your birthday present!" Startled, he asked "What am I supposed to do with you?" "I'm yours for super sex," she answers. So Jim replied "Well, I'm 75 years old so I'll have the soup."
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has 46.54 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: men
Q. What's the difference between men and government bonds? A. Bonds mature.
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has 30.41 % from 9 votes. More jokes about: men
We are already 2 years together with my girlfriend and decided to get married. My parents helped as much as they could and all my my friends said it’s a really good idea! My girlfriend? She is a dream! But there is something that bothers me! This something is her little sister… This is my future 20 years old sister-in-law , wearing a super skinny, mini skirts and short blouses. Always lean ahead and I was often lucky to see her underwear. She never did that in front of someone else! One day she calls me and asks me to go home to see the wedding invitations. When I arrived she was alone. She whispered that soon I get married and that she has feelings for me for long time and that she thinks she cann’t overcome them. She also said that she desperately wanted to have sex with me just once before I marry her sister. I was shocked and could not say a word… She said to me that she goes to bed and asked if I wanted to go up with her. I froze and looked at her going up the stairs. Going up, she took her panties off and threw it at me. I stayed there for a moment and then ran to the door. I opened it and I walked to the car. My future father-in-law was standing outside with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said: "I’m glad you passed this little test and I am sure that my daughter could not find a better man. Welcome to the family, my son!" Moral Lesson: Always keep your condoms in your car!
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has 84.72 % from 936 votes. More jokes about: car, family, marriage, men, relationship
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested. After that, He creaed man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
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has 63.75 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: god, men, women
Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama? A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.
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has 25.12 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: men
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers. If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
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has 34.87 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: men