Joke #3404

A lot of people are desperate today. A fellow walked up to me, he said, "You see a cop around here?" I said, "No." He said, "Stick 'em up!"

This hillbilly is traveling across Texas when a state policeman pulls him over. "You got any I.D.?" the patrolman asked." "'Bout what?" the hillbilly replied.

A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. The police stop him and say that he can’t drive around with the penguins in the car and should take them to the zoo. The man agrees and drives off. The next day the same man is driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back and again. He is stopped by the same police officer who says, "Hey! I though I told you to take those to the zoo." The man replies "I did. Today I’m taking them to the movies."

A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"

Two police officers saw an old woman staggering out a local bar, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the old woman where she lived, all the old lady would say as she stroked the officers arm is, "You're Passionate." They drove awhile longer and asked again, but again the same response as she stroked his arm, "You're Passionate." The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, "Look we have driven around this city for two hours and you still haven't told us where you live!" She replied, "I keep trying to tell you, you're passin it!"

My wife and I have our little fights. We had a fight last week. Nothing much, only two police cars.

Blonde: Officer theres like a thousand dead people here! Cop: Okay, calm down. Where are you? Blonde: The cemetery! Cop: *facepalm*

Your mama is so stupid, when she lost her dildo she called the cops to look for it.

All my friends, we was ready for the second riot. No, not like the first one, where we were just grabbing stuff at random it wouldn't be like that. I've got a thousand boxes of Pampers; I don't know what I'm going to do with it. No, no, this time we had a list. We were going to get the stuff we need. Everybody on my block has bought a U-Haul..

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

A cop once pulled Chuck Norris over...Luckily, the cop left only with a warning.