Joke #3420

A policeman stops two drunks and asks one, "Where do you live?" "Nowhere", the first drunk replied. "And where do you live?", he asks the other. "We're neighbours."
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has 48.02 % from 11 votes. More jokes about: cop

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A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, “How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?” “No, ma’am,” explained the officer, “it’s your foot.”
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has 71.72 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: cop
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices. The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000." The client asked, "What? How's that possible?" The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
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has 49.93 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: cop
Hardest job in the world: police sketch artist in China.
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has 75.68 % from 256 votes. More jokes about: asian, cop, geography, work
A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, "I don't know. It all happened so fast."
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has 69.55 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop
A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
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has 83.36 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: cop
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo -- of handcuffs.
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has 43.21 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: cop
A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"
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has 71.25 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, fish
Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a white guy? A: A white guy can say "Hey Dad" and "Good morning officer".
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has 48.27 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: black people, communication, cop, racist, white people
A man is driving happily along when he is pulled over by the police. The copper approaches him and politely asks, "Have you been drinking, sir?" "Why?" snorts the man. "Is there a fat bird in my car?"
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has 19.01 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bird, cop, dirty, fat
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days." Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!" "This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man, The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, cop, wine