Joke #950

At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians. American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1. This will record the call and connect them with the police." Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
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What We Learn From the Movies: It is always possible to park directly in front of any building you are visiting. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. If you start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps. Most laptops are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors. After a person suffers a massive blow to the head, they will still be surprisingly good looking. No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. Partnering police officers with their total opposites will always, eventually, lead to buddy teams who share unbreakable bonds and gruff affection.
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How can you tell which one of your friends has the new iPhone 6 plus? Don't worry, they'll let you know.
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A girl started noticing a guy who stands in front of her home everyday in the evening. She noticed the guy always comes mostly in the evenings and weekends. The guy never tried to talk to her nor showed any gesture, he just moves here and there by looking into his mobile phone and occasionally stealing a stare at her. It went on like that for a year and the girl understood the guy was in love with her but was too shy to express his feelings. So, she told her parents. They too saw him and liked him. They discussed with her grandparents about a likely marriage. But wanted her to make the first move. The next day, she went to him and said, Hi. I'm Jada. He said, Hi. I'm Smith. Hearing this, the girl was very happy as the names were matching like Will Smith and Jada Pinkett. The girl went on and said, I really appreciate your patience and decency. You have been standing in front of my home everyday for about a year now. So, I understand that you are in love with me but too shy to say it. I think i really like you too and would love it if we get married. The guy smiled and said, Forgive me sister! Actually your home's WIFI doesn't have a password. So, i come here every evening after work to use free wi-fi to chat with my girlfriend.
Vote: has 75.73 % from 94 votes. Send joke:

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Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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It was reported this week that Google would soon launch its own cellphone as a challenge to the iPhone. Also a challenge to the iPhone? Making phone calls.
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A guy tells his friends: The girl I was dating broke my heart, so I broke her Apple iPhone 5. You all know who cried more
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Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
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A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
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According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating? Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
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The phone rings at Federal Drug Enforcement Agency headquarters. "Hello?" "Hello, is this the Federal Drug Enforcement Agency?" "Yes. What can we do for you?" "I’m calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding cocaine in his firewood." "Thank you, this will be noted." Next day, the Drug Enforcement agents come over to Tom’s house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no cocaine, swear at Tom and leave. The phone rings at Tom’s house. "Hey, Tom! Did the Federal Drug Enforcement guys come by?" "Yeah!" "Did they chop your firewood for you?" "Yeah, they did." "Okay, now it’s YOUR turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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