A newlywed couple goes on their honeymoon.
Two days into the weeklong trip, the wife goes to the front desk and demands a car to take her to the airport.
A few hours later, the husband strolls past the front desk.
The manager asks why his wife has left the island.
"Were you not having a good time?"
The man replies, "Well, I've been having the best time of my life, but it's been with the maid."
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A lot of things have changed in my life since I got to know that my girlfriend got pregnant.
My name, living address, phone number...
My husband said he wanted more space.
So I locked him outside.
If your dog was barking at the back door and your wife was knocking on the front door, who would you let in first?
The dog – at least he would shut up once he was in.
If it weren’t for marriage, women would have to spend most of their adult lives arguing with complete strangers.
Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
A: Shoot him again.
The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"
Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"
So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye."
"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"
And turning to Jessica, she says:
"I've three things to say to you, young lady... first, you didn't do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you're in for a big disappointment!"
Q: Why is it a bad idea for two butt cheeks to get married?
A: Because they part for every little shit.
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A wife tells her husband while watching a Mexican TV series:
"Look, how much he loves her…"
"Yes. But do you know how much he's being paid for that?"
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
A wife wanted an expensive fur coat from the executive husband to celebrate their Silver wedding anniversary.
The miser overbearing rich husband rejected the expensive but affordable demand.
He said, "You grow the hair on your chest and I will give you fur coat to cover it."
The wife was out of control with anger.
She pulls up her skirt, drops and throws her panties and pushes her hairy pubic area forward.
She said, "There! I have the hair on my chest, now buy me that damn coat!"
"That’s not your chest, that is your pussy!" husband screamed back.
"Oh yes that is my chest all right" she yelled back. "While we were dating this was your chest of hope. We got married and on our honeymoon you used to tease me it was your chest of pleasure. Then I started bearing children and it became your chest of family, and damn it. If you don’t buy me that fur coat, it is going to be the community chest of public."
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