A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try oral sex.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
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Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Why don't men like to drink coffee at work?
It keeps them awake.
A guy rang up to air port and said: "Do you mind me please to ask how long is from New York to Sanfransico?
The lady replied "A moment..."
Then the guy said "Thank you" and ceased conversation.
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked."
With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!"
She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!"
With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left.
The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
Warning ladies!
Never trust a man who calls you "SEXY".
This is why. When he removes the letter 'Y' it means you're down for "SEX". After sex, he will remove the letter "S" and start calling you his "EX".
Q: Why do men fart louder than women?
A: because they have a microphone and two speakers.
Once there were three men, Dave, John, and Sam, who were involved in a tragic car accident in which all three died.
As they stood at the gates of heaven St. Peter came up to them and said, "You will all be given a method of transportation for your eternal use around heaven. You will be judged on your past deeds, and will have your transport chosen accordingly."
St. Peter looked at Dave and said, "You, Dave, were a bad man. You cheated on your wife four times! For this, you will drive around Heaven in an old beat up Dodge."
Next St. Peter looked at John and said, "You, were not so evil, but you still cheated on your wife two times. For this, you will forever travel around heaven in a Toyota stationwagon."
St. Peter finally looked at Sam, and said, "You, Sam, have set a fine example. You did not have sex until after marriage, and you never cheated on your wife! For this, you will forever travel through heaven in a Ferrari."
A short time later, Jon and Dave pulled up in their cars next to Sam’s Ferrari and there he is, sitting on the hood, head in hands, crying.
"What’s wrong, Sam?" they asked.
"You got the Ferrari! You are set forever! Why so down?"
Sam looked up, ever so slowly opened his mouth and cried, "I just saw my wife go by on a skate board."
Q: Why shouldn't Men using iron supplements take Viagra?
A: It may cause them to spin around and point north.