A man rushes out of his wife's hospital room.
"Doctor, doctor -- my wife's been in a coma for several months, but when I just touched her left breast, she sighed!"
"That's very encouraging," says the doctor. "Go back and touch her right breast. See if she reacts."
A few minutes later, the man rushes out again: "Doctor, she moaned!"
"Very good," says the doctor.
"Now try oral sex.
She should certainly react to that!"
Five minutes later, the man comes out back out, white as a sheet.
"Doctor -- she died."
"No! What happened?" the doctor exclaims.
"Well, doc," the man says tearfully, "she choked."
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All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter.
When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females."
Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference.
He said: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."
How are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.
Ladies and Gentlemen, if there is anybody here who is feeling, worried, nervous or apprehensive it is probably because you just married John.
Why did God create man?
Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
Q: What would it be a good idea for you to do after a man takes your wife?
A: Let him keep her!
Q: What is the difference between a puppy and a man?
A: Eventually the puppy will grow up and stop whining.
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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