Joke #353

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house. Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler. 'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
Vote: has 51.34 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

The matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. “I’m ashamed to bring this up,” he said, “but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample.” The woman was shocked. “Such a thing you ask a Christian virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman.” The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, “He’s a pragmatic, man. After all, to him it’s not a big deal… just a sample.” She thought a minute. “A pragmatic man, is he? So tell him I don’t give samples. I can give him 50 or 60 references, if he wants, though.
Vote: has 59.75 % from 31 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, christian, dirty, husband, women
Did you hear about the whale who couldn't keep a secret? He was a blubber mouth.
Vote: has 54.26 % from 13 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, fish
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Vote: has 21.85 % from 9 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, car, fat
Q: Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? A: Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.
Vote: has 49.51 % from 49 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, dirty
An aquarium is just interactive television for cats.
Vote: has 69.19 % from 21 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
Make the world your playground. Whenever you miss the sandbox, cover it up. Dragging a sock over it helps. If you can't get your way, lay across the keyboard till you do. When you are hungry, meow loudly so they feed you just to shut you up. Always find a good patch of sun to nap in. Nap often. When in trouble, just purr and look cute. Life is hard, and then you nap. Curiosity never killed anything except maybe a few hours. Variety is the spice of life. One day, ignore people; the next day, annoy them, and play with them when they're busy. Climb your way to the top, that's why the curtains are there. Make your mark in the world, or at least spray in each corner. Always give generously; a bird or rodent left on the bed tells them, "I care".
Vote: has 24.92 % from 8 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What happened when the shark became famous? He tured into a starfish.
Vote: has 57.36 % from 11 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
What do cows get when they do all their chores? Mooney.
Vote: has 60.16 % from 12 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, money
Why did the bareback performer ride his horse? Because it got too heavy to carry.
Vote: has 54.59 % from 16 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal
A panda bear walks into a restaurant and orders a sandwich. When he receives the sandwich he eats it and then shoots the waiter and leaves the restaurant. A policeman sees the panda and tells him he just broke the law. The panda bear tells the policeman that he's innocent and, if he didn't believe him, to look in the dictionary. The policeman gets a dictionary and looks up "panda bear." It says, "Panda Bear: eats shoots and leaves."
Vote: has 70.01 % from 17 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop, food, lawyer