You ever accidentally go up to a real big fat person, and you accidentally ask them for a good place to eat? And they look at you and say they don't know. And you're looking at them, like, 'You do know. I bet if I follow you for an hour, we gonna be eatin'. '
Englishman, Scottish man and Irishman selling bibles door to door, they have a bet who will sell the most in a day. They meet up at end of day and Englishman has sold 2, Scottish man had sold 3, but the Irishman who had a terrible stutter says hhhee hhhee hhhad sssold ssssixty. The other two asked how did he do it. He said, "Wwwhen Iiiii nnnnnnknock aaaat thththe ddddooor I said: Do you wwwwwant tto bbbuy a bbbbbible ooooorrr shshshould Iiii jjjust rrrread it tttto yyyyou?"
Things our family enjoys together without anyone complaining: 1.
Success is like pregnancy. Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got fucked to achieve it.
Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.
Google is setting up a new search engine to answer life's difficult and most complex questions with the response always being the same... Chuck Norris.
What's the fastest thing in the world? A beer truck driving through an Indian reserve. What's the second fastest thing in the world? The Indians running after it.
It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Q: Why is it good to have a Jewish car? A: It can stop on a dime, and pick it up for you too!
Cool Morals: 1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa. 2. One should love animals. They are tasty too. 3. Save water. Drink beer. 4. Studying is healthy. So leave it for the sick. 5. Books are holy. So don't touch them. 6. Love your neighbor. But don't get caught. 7. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life...