Joke #3542

Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Vote:
has 39.32 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

Similar jokes

See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.

Three women were sitting around throwing back a few drinks and talking about their sex lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the dentist because nobody can drill like he does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call my husband the miner, because of his incredible shaft." Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne finally asked, "Well, what do you call your boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The postman." Looking puzzeled Joanne asked, "Why the postman?" "Because… he always delivers late and half the time it’s in the wrong box."
Vote:
has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, husband, men, sex, women
A drunken man staggers into a catholic church and sits down in a confession box but says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final atempt to get the man to speak. Finally the drunk replies - "No use knockin' mate - there's no paper in this one either".
Vote:
has 74.40 % from 75 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, church, drunk, priest
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responds the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first blowjob." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Vote:
has 78.01 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, bartender, gay, sex
A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. "Does your dog bite?" "No." A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!" the man says indignantly. "That's not my dog."
Vote:
has 46.10 % from 8 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger, Bubba, said "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat." "What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?," said Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight & put label on each of their foreheads. When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?" "No, sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels. "We're on the patch."
Vote:
has 22.34 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, cop, driving, drunk, redneck
What do you call an alcoholic dog? A whino!
Vote:
has 12.53 % from 68 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Q: What did the grape say when it was crushed? A: Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Vote:
has 77.50 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, wine
One night Harry had been drinking so much he came home and was sick all over the cat. He looked down at it and said, ‘I don’t remember eating that.’
Vote:
has 29.01 % from 7 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
Three women were sitting in a bar, (burnette, redhead, and a blonde) they were all pregnant. The burnette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "Well I was on top when I concieved so I will have a baby boy". The red head said, "If your logic is correct then I will have a baby girl because I was on the bottom when I concieved. The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
Vote:
has 28.61 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, baby, bar, blonde, ginger
You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level. Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? Don't ride the kiddie merrygo round when you are drunk, so get off.
Vote:
has 48.26 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: alcohol