Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here'.
Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street.
A:I have the perfect son. Q:Does he smoke? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he drink whiskey? A:No, he doesn't. Q:Does he ever come home late? A:No, he doesn't. Q:I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he? A:He will be six months old next Wednesday.
"What is a man's idea of a balanced diet?" "A Budweiser in each hand!"
After 5 hours sitting in the bar, a man was in no shape to drive, wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 am?", said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture.", the man said. And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?", the cop asked. "My wife!!!" said the man.
Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer... I saw the video... we need to talk.
Q: What's the difference between a dog and a fox? A: About eight beers.
A dazzling woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman, who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals for him to bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy. Are you the manager? she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. “Actually, No”, he replies. Can you get him for me I need to speak to him. She is running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. I’m afraid that I can’t, breathes the barman, clearly aroused. Is there anything I can do? “Yes, there is”. I need you to give him a message, she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. “Tell him that there is no Toilet Paper in the ladies room.”
A man is in a bar and has one too many drinks. This beautiful lady sits down next to him. He turns to her and says, "hey, how 'bout it. You and me, getting it on. I've got a couple dollars and it looks like you could use a little money." She stands up and says, "What makes you think I charge by the inch?"
Woman: When you're finished with me, will my husband think I'm beautiful? Beautician: Maybe. Does he still drink a lot?
It was tough for me, got caught up: cutting class, drinking, smoking, gambling, raping and pillaging the town. What I'm trying to tell you is the fifth grade was hell for me, alright?