A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better.
Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!”
The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying.
A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face.
She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
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The best thing after an intensive argument is the peace-sex.
But I hate when I argue with my father-in-law.
Vote:
A German woman is walking down the street.
Eleven blonde guys walk up and attack her.
She screams, "Nein!, Nein"
So two guys walk away.
A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.
The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.
The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"
"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.
"What happened?" inquired the pastor.
"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.
"That's okay," said the young man.
"We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."
Programming is like sex
One mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
Vote:
A family is at the dinner table.
The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?”
The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases.
In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions.”
“Onions?”
the son asks.
“Yes.
You see them and they make you cry.”
This infuriated his wife and daughter.
The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?”
The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also.
In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.
“Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
Question: If you went to a party and woke up with a condom in your ass would you tell anyone?
Answer: No!
Response: Wanna go to a party?
Vote:
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207.
Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
Two men visit a prostitute.
The first man goes into the bedroom.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘Heck.
My wife is better than that.’
The second man goes in.
He comes out ten minutes later and says, ‘You know?
Your wife IS better.’
On wedding night, during sex:
Husband: I had a sex with so many callgirls so many time before.
Wife: Thats what I have been thinking since we met that I have seen you somewhere before...
One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex.
The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops.
“What are you doing, Mommy?”
The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer.
“Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.”
The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.”
The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?”
The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back up.”