Wife and husband have bought condoms with different flavours.
Darling, I will turn off the light, put one on and you guess the flavour.
As soon as he turns off the light, she takes it in the mouth and says:
Gorgonzola!
Wait, it is not on yet.
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The main rule to obey, if you are in jail: never take a bow for a fallen soap from the wash basin. Try and you'll cry.
*My dad helping me find a gf*
Dad: What do you want most in a woman?
Me: My dick.
*Grounded and high fived*
A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: …
DAD : Son where were you today during school hours?
SON : At school
(robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind)
Okay I went to the movies!
DAD : Which one?
SON : Harry Potter
(robot slaps Son again!)
Okay I was watching porno.
DAD : What? When I was your age I didn’t even know porno!
(robot slaps dad)
MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son!
(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)
The three words most hated by men during sex: ‘Are you done?’
The three words most hated by women during sex, ‘Honey, I’m home!’
One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and orange hair gets on.
The kid notices that the old man keeps staring at him.
"What you staring at, old man?
Ain't you ever done anything wild in your time?"
"Yeah. I screwed a parrot once.
I was wondering if you were my son?"
Practical thought:
A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes.
A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life...
A ship with 30 sailors and one woman strands on a desert island.
After one month the woman says:
"I can not proceed in this way."
And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:
"We can not proceed in this way."
And they dig up the woman.
Vote:
Man to a woman: "Do you know the difference between a blowjob and a cheeseburger is?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Lets have lunch sometime…"
Q: What do you call a roman warrior after oral sex?
A: Gladiator.