Joke #3620

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: ''Pint please, and one for the road.'
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has 29.01 % from 17 votes. More jokes about: alcohol

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One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door. However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed. The drunk waved his dick at her and said "So is this!"
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has 48.79 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk
Q: What did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar? A: Gimme a slug of whiskey.
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has 45.82 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, cowboy
A compass „Drinker": loose your limbs, find your North, let us dance!
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has 51.67 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, drunk
A guy is sitting in a bar and turns to the Asian guy next to him and asks: "Hey do you know, Tae Kwon Do, Jiu Jitsu, Kung Fu or any of that sh*t?" Offended the Asian man replies: "What you think that just because I'm asian I know martial arts?" The man replies: "Nah its because you're drinking my f*cking bourbon"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap wicked women, too much alcohol, and a contempt for your fellow man." "Wow," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, priest, women
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though. As hes drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3x5 note card and writes on it, "I SPIT IN THIS BEER", and walks to the bathroom. When he comes back about 15 minutes later, theres another 3x5 note card next to his beer saying, "I SPIT IN IT TOO".
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has 56.84 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, beer, money, time
I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
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has 66.46 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, dog, wine
Warning: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
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has 20.39 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing. The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies: "No use knocking' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
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has 75.88 % from 180 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, catholic, church, drunk
Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"
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has 58.58 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, black humor