Joke #3636

I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, "Are you two an item?"

Me: What do you call someone who isn't sure if they like egg nog or not? Wife: What? Me: An Eggnogstic. Wife: This is grounds for divorce.

Customer: Give me a hot dog. Waiter: With pleasure. Customer: No, with mustard.

Life is like a dick, sometimes it becomes hard for no reason.

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.

Customer: "Waiter, this soup tastes funny." Waiter: "Funny? But then why aren’t you laughing?"

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.

You will never have more energy or enthusiasm, hair, or brain cells than you have today.

I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day. That seems like a strange place to put a call center.

What is height of Fashion? Dhoti with a zip.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.