Two campers are hiking in the woods when one is bitten on the rear end by a rattlesnake.
"I’ll go into town for a doctor," the other says.
He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the town’s only doctor, who is delivering a baby.
"I can’t leave," the doctor says.
But here’s what to do.
Take a knife, cut a little X where the bite is, suck out the poison and spit it on the ground."
The guy ruins back to his friend, who is in agony.
‘What did the doctor say?" the victim asks.
"He says you’re gonna die."
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Abraham wanted a new suit, so he bought a nice piece of cloth and then tried to locate a tailor.
The first tailor he visited looked at the cloth and measured Abraham, then told him the cloth was not enough to make a suit.
Abraham was unhappy with this opinion and sought another tailor.
This tailor measured Abraham, then measured the cloth, and then smiled and said, "There is enough cloth to make a pair of trousers, a coat and a vest, please come back in a week to take your suit."
After a week Abraham came to take his new suit, and saw the tailor’s son wearing trousers made of the same cloth.
Perplexed, he asked, "Just how could you make a full suit for me and trousers for your son, when the other tailor could not make a suit only?"
"It’s very simple," replied the tailor, "The other tailor has two sons."
Men are born between the legs of women and spend all their life trying to get back between them. Why?
Theres no place like home ...
A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."
She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach ad say "Congrats!".
But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".
Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters...
Vote:
Chuck Norris is the meaning of life.
Too bad he's also the meaning of death.
Vote:
A man was fishing in the jungle.
After a while another angler came to join him.
"Have you had any bites?" asked the second man.
"Yes, lots," replied the first one, "but they were all mosquitoes."
You're living, you occupy space, and you have mass.
You know what that means?
You Matter.
Why does Rick Ross rap about cars when he cant fit in them.
During a recent staff meeting in Heaven, God, Moses, and Saint Peter concluded that the behavior of Ex-President Clinton and Representative Condit had brought about the need for an eleventh commandment.
They worked long and hard in a brain-storming session to try to settle on the wording of the new commandment, because they realized that it should have the same style, majesty and dignity as the original ten.
After many revisions, they finally agreed that the eleventh commandment should be: "Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff."